No Regrets

One of the key concepts I am learning in honoring myself is No Regrets.

The first thing I thought was, no regrets?  Are you kidding?  My entire life is filled with regrets.

The second thing I thought was, how can I possibly learn to be a better person if I have no regrets?  For a person who lived on guilt, this seemed impossible.  If you didn't regret something, that meant you wouldn't see it as a wrong move and then you couldn't do better next time, which meant you would keep making the same mistakes over and over.

On the other hand, if I lived on regret, how is it that I did keep making the same mistakes over and over?  

I see now that living in regret means that I keep hashing my mistakes over and over, which makes me miserable which makes me condemn myself which makes me think I will never be able to do better which paralyzes me with fear from thinking of a better solution which makes me keep making the same mistake over and over.

Amazing.

I found that if I do something and I am not pleased with the results I simply tell myself No Regrets.  What is done is done.  I tell myself that this event has simply brought me one step further along my path (which is MUCH better than standing still or going backwards).  If I do not drench the situation in condemnation, I will not be paralyzed in my tracks with the fear of regret.  I can then look at it as a problem to solve, a challenge, like figuring out a puzzle.  This will allow me to consider the various resources I have to resolve this challenge or decide on other paths I could take next time that might lead to a more satisfying result.  

And I can move on.

Which makes me feel wonderful.

Which allows me to see myself as a wise woman.

Which allows me to honor myself.

And we continue.

Carol B.

Yes

I was asked a question; 

What will you say yes to in your life?

I was astounded to find out how hard it was to answer that question.

I realized it was easy to think about what I would say no to in my life.

No to what I think.  No to what I believe.  No to my very existence.  

What did that mean?

Just say it out loud.

It means no to honoring myself.

Not honoring myself means not respecting myself.

Not respecting myself means I can never be happy about anything in my life, even when I finally reach what I think will make me happy.

Because not respecting myself means not truly respecting anyone or anything else around me, which means not being able to enjoy anyone else or anything else around me.

I grew up with the distorted belief that you are supposed to put yourself down and lift others up and that would be a good thing.

It is not.

You can pretend it is, but in the long run, it only brings bitterness and resentment.  Because after a while you will grow tired of it and say, "when is it my turn?"

And you wait for others to give you that honor, but even when they do, it will still not be good enough.  

Because what your spirit is really waiting for is for you to love and honor yourself.

When you do that, all the craziness that runs wild in your head will finally quiet down, and then you can look at others and see them for who they truly are, love them for who they truly are.  

I am just learning.

But I have to let this out.

Just for today, I will honor myself.

Just for today, I will honor my beliefs, my words, and my work.

Just for today I will honor my body, even though it is not as perfect as society says it should be.

Just for today, I will honor my eyes that allow me see, my ears that allow me hear, and my breath that allows me to be alive.

I will stop and honor myself in this present moment, exactly where I am today.

Day One,

to saying Yes

to honoring myself.

Carol B.

Thank you, Steven

Yes, I know.  

I know that, after all these years of being away from art, I have finally come back to what has been my true dream, what I have known I was supposed to be since I was four years old.

And then there comes the doubt.

Of course, I do have to say that the greatest doubt comes when I have not been working as hard as I should be.  But there it is.

It is scary when you are wondering if you are really going to get anywhere. 

What are you doing?

Are you crazy?

You need to get a real job again.  You need to have expanded in getting a job that makes even more money, not reduced it.  You should be getting a bigger and better house in a better neighborhood and you should be taking a cruise and traveling around the world to expand your vision other than your neighborhood.  Isn't that what other people your age are doing?

I think of Erik that I wrote about a few posts ago.  Having done that thing I was so scared to do myself.  Majoring in art, and now out to go get a job in the field he loves.  Yes, I said, and if and when things get scary, don't doubt yourself.  Stay in art and never let it go.  You'll make it, and you'll be glad you did.  If you leave to get a "regular" job, you'll spend years looking back, regretting you walked away.  Just like I have spent so many years of my life.

But now I am here and it is scary.

I don't regret being here.  I am just looking around at the mounting waves and it is scary to be out here, in the middle of the ocean, wondering if you will ever make it to shore.

But as it gets closer to November, I think of my cousin Steven.  

It will be 15 years since he passed away.

He should have been the artist.

He was the one with all the creativity.

He was the most wonderful artist I knew.

But he, too, never gave himself the full chance he deserved.  He worked some regular jobs and he still did some art, but not anywhere near what he should have, could have.

I found out years later that he could have even got help getting into one of the top art schools here in L.A. but he didn't.

Because despite all his confidence, I realize now he doubted himself.

As great as his skill was, he never fully believed.

And then he died too young.

A while after he passed I stood at his grave and he said, "So, are you doing art?"

Well, no, because I'm in the middle of a divorce and I'm in school and I'm working part time and I'm raising my kids.

"You know, Carol, I'm dead.  You're not.  Think about it."

So I have not posted in a few days because I was doubting again.

But I told myself that when I did that, I would think of Steven because I promised him I would at least try.  

Because he can't but I can.

Hold my hand, Steven.

Carol B.

My Mom's Birthday

I am notorious for not taking pictures.

I take my camera, which sits in my purse, hanging heavily over my shoulder, and then I forget to take it out, even on special occasions like yesterday.

Today is my mom's birthday, but we went out yesterday for a nice lunch at the Olive Garden. Even though I had planned to show you pictures, I cannot, because I forgot to take out my camera. But trust me, we had a nice time.

What I do have to show you is a picture of the painting I did for my mom.  I was in a rush to finish it in time to wrap it up, shortly before we left.  

I wish I could show you a better picture of it.  But because I have not learned to scan properly, all I have to show is a crooked, digital version that, as usual, doesn't do the color justice.

I am simply going to have to learn how to scan. 

Anyway, I have never made a painting for a gift, so I was really excited to do so.  I was especially happy with how it all seemed to fall in place, from the design as well as the colors.

I had wanted to make something that would be according to my mom's style, which is the country look.  I used to be into that style years ago, though not really anymore.  I was also going to make it with colors that match her home, which does include browns, but which is lately more into white and blue.  

However, after painting the background a light blue, I wasn't pleased with the look.  I even thought of scrapping the whole idea.  I worried because I wondered if it was just a matter of not liking the color, or if it was really because of not wanting to do this painting according to my mother's style because of some underlying mother/daughter issues (I'm a psych major, people). This really bothered me.

But then, instead of doing the design and colors according to something that was simply my mother's style, I decided to do the painting according to what would be a mixture of myself, as well as my mother, and this is what I came up with, and instead of disliking the painting, which is what I had started to do, I ended up loving it.

I got the idea from Project Runway (that's why I love that show!) and that is that you have to consider your client, but you still have to be true to yourself.  

But the lesson I really learned was a lesson on how to live life, and that is that yes, you do have to consider other people, but you still have to honor yourself.

I have lived my entire life trying to be a people pleaser, even if it meant not only denying myself, but completely dishonoring myself.  And I don't mean just minor things.  I am talking about real extremes.

But we won't get into that here.

In more minor things, I am talking about denying myself my own views, which can then lead to turning around and not wanting to accept someone else in their views as well.

But life is not about living in extremes, which is what I mostly do, which is what can make life so difficult.  It is about living a life of Balance, which sounds so simple, but is so hard to do, at least for me.

Extreme is that you totally give up yourself and let someone else's view take over.  Either that, or you say, the heck with you and, out of resentment, you deny the other person their point of view.

Balance is that you honor your point of view, even if you think the other person will not accept you for it, and, in turn, even if you do not entirely accept the other person's point of view, you still accept that person, clashing views and all.

If you do that, life is much more pleasant, as well as more beautiful.

Just as the process of doing this painting was much more pleasant, and the results more beautiful.

Yes, I was a psych major.

Which can make life crazier.

As well as more meaningful.

The point is, despite any clashing mother/daughter issues, honoring myself made it so much easier to fully honor my mother, and all she did for me growing up, which was a heck of a lot.  

It also made it so much easier to say, "I love you, Mom." 

And yes, I love you, Mom.

Thank you for everything.

Happy Birthday.

Love,

Carol. 

New Animation Talent!

Life is weird.  

Right when I feel I've finally reached a new level in the journey towards a more remarkable life,

BAM!  The rug gets pulled out from under me.

Which is why, after the wonderful revelations I wrote about last week, I felt knocked off the rollercoaster.

But such is life.  

I was wondering what my next post would be about.  Should I write everyday and talk about it all, even the pain?  

I struggle with that.  Should I be really honest and write about the whole journey?  Or would it sound like whining?  Actually, I love to read blogs in which authors are honest about their struggles.  It gives me insight into the fact that I am not the only one who is human.  Their lessons learned often give me insight that helps me along the way.

But raw exposure is so scary.  I love it in others, but to do it yourself?  But it is something I have always wanted to do, so I guess I should.  

But that is not what got me back here to this page.  Even though it is good to honor yourself, there is nothing like thinking about someone else to get your mind off your own problems.  And that is why I am here.

This past May, my daughter graduated from Cal State Long Beach (yay!)  Getting her to make that commitment is a story in itself! (sorry, baby! :)  Last year, when she was a Residential Advisor (that's "Dorm Mom") her RA partner was a young man named Erik Caines, who was set to graduate the same time as my daughter.  One day she told me he was an art major.

Ohhh!  An art major!  What I always wanted to be!

Anyway, one day I saw his work and it was amazing.  His speciality is animation illustration. Oh, to have such talent at such a young age! (sigh).Even though I barely knew him, I was so proud of him.  There are so many of us who would have loved to have majored in art, but we copped out because we thought, how would we really make it?  Too risky.

But he took the risk.  I admire him for that.  

Today my daughter told me that he started up his own blog, showing his work and talking about the process.  I checked it out and I am telling you, his work is outrageous.  

So I am here to spread the word to everyone to check out his blog and if there is anyone out there that is connected in any way to animation, I know you would be thrilled to check out his work at drawnbyerik.  If you work at an animation studio, snatch him up before someone else does!  

That's Erik Caines.

A wonderful young man and a great talent.

Go check him out right now!

Always,

Carol B.

I Am Sacred

Here are pictures of my new painting.  It is called "I Am Sacred."  

I really love this painting.  I wish you could see how beautiful all the colors are.  Taking it with my digital doesn't give it justice, but trust me, it is really beautiful.  As soon as I can, I will be putting it up for sale in my Etsy Shop. 

I am showing three views here.  One is the total view, one is a little more close up so you can see the heart with the heart jewel, and one is a close up of her face.

As I am writing this the pictures are scooting around the page.  I don't know what this post is going to look like when I am done, but I hope it does not look too crazy.

Anyway, it is a beautiful painting and I am very proud of it. 

But what I am even happier about is what I have been learning in the process.

All my life I have felt "not good enough."  You name it, I felt it.  For a lot of years I have been in the process of learning to love and appreciate myself.  Believe me, it is one of the hardest journeys you could possibly be on.  Years go by and you feel like maybe you have even gone downhill, much less made any progress at all.

And then it happens.

You start to know that you are, indeed, Sacred.

You start to realize that you are not so defective because of the things you have gone through. It turns out that everyone, and I mean everyone else in this world has gone through the same thing or something similar.  It does not mean you are not good enough.  It just means you are alive.

I always thought that if I was beautiful enough, I would never be cheated on, like I was in past relationships.  Do you know that someone as gorgeous as Hallie Berry was cheated on by her husband?  Do you know that Pamela Anderson, Miss Sex-Queen-Every-Man's-Sex-Dream, even she was cheated on by her husband Tommy Lee?  I mean, how could you look and act like Pamela Anderson and be cheated on by your husband?

Anyway, it has taken me a long time to make peace with myself, and believe me, I still have a long way to go.  But, after all these years, I am really beginning to believe that I am not only good enough, but that I Am Sacred.  I am special.  I am good enough, and wonderful, just the way I am.  

And when you start to realize that, Magic happens.  The real you starts coming out, not the fake person you have been hiding behind.  And you know what?  That Real You really is something else!  That Real You is kind, passionate, exciting, intelligent, creative, and Absolutely Maaavelous, baby!

If you have been trying to work on yourself for a long time and think you haven't been getting very far, don't give up.  If I can do this, believe me, ANYBODY can.  

Let's do this together.  

Believe me, the world needs the Real You.

You are beautiful.

You are wonderful.

You Are Sacred.

Carol B.

My New Studio

This is not the greatest picture of my studio.  I don't know why the picture came out so dark. But this is it and I love it!  

I have these bookshelves with all my art supplies stored on them.  For the first time, everything is out where I can see it.  There is stuff that I have had stored for years which is not good because then I don't use it because I either forget I have it or I can't get to it because it's piled under so much other stuff.  Now everything is at my fingertips!  Oh, to be organized!

Before, when I was painting, I used to get these three wooden TV trays that I used to haul over from the kitchen and then set them up in this room.  I would then have to take everything out and arrange my easel, paints, water, palette, and other things carefully on the tables so I could paint.  It made my painting area too small and very inconvenient.  Now I decided I needed a nice, large table in this room.  I thought of getting a big folding table that I had seen at Costco, but I wasn't sure of how steady it would be. Then I got even more discouraged when my hubby, Mr. Handy Man (ahem) said, "Well, I don't know how you're going to get it in the car."  I said, "we could find a way," and he said, "Well, I don't know how."  

I thought of the large sturdy table I had in my kitchen.  I often went there to do some art stuff when I needed a large sturdy area.  

Hmmm.

No one ever really ate at the kitchen table.  It only came in handy if someone was cooking and needed to lay out extra plates of stuff on the table.  But I hardly ever (make that never) cook. The only one that ever really cooks is my son who does that maybe once a week.  And if you clear off enough space on the counter, you don't really need the table. 

I thought, if I wait for someone to help me bring home a table from a store, I might never get one.

So, one day, I cleared off the mail and the coffee pot off the table and tried to squeeze this huge table out of the small doorway.

How had we gotten this in here in the first place?

After I had turned it every which way, which was not easy, as it was heavy, and I was about to give up, luckily, my son came home from work.  He thought over this dilemma. 

"Do the legs come off?" he said. 

"I don't think so," I said. 

He turned it over.

"Yes they do," he said, "if you can get me a wrench."

He was in a hurry because he still had to take a quick shower before he rushed off to school, so he quickly worked that wrench and before I knew it, he had taken off the legs.  He picked up the table and quickly moved it for me into the studio.  I told him to tell me how to put the legs back on so he could get ready to leave and before I knew it, I had those legs screwed back on and I had me one wonderful art table!  It is large and sturdy and holds everything I need.  And it is always there, just waiting for me to work!

I hadn't finished any canvas work because I had been having fun working in my Art Journal, where I had space to try out stuff like working with paper and many other materials. But I have been painting again and I almost have this new painting done, and as soon as it is done I will post it and show you.

It is funny how I take so long to put up another post, and then when I do it is practically a novel.  I have to learn to write smaller posts every day instead of waiting so long and then I have so much to tell you.

Well, I am off to have fun in my room!

Til later,

Carol B. 

My First Sale!

Yippeeee!

Cartwheels!

I sold my first painting!

Remember my delicious "Cupcake Love"?  Well, I sold it to "E".  He said that his girlfriend loves cupcakes and that he was sure she would love this painting.  His girlfriend, "J" later contacted me and said that she hung the painting up in her room and that, because of the beautiful, striking colors, she cannot help but stare at it and that she just loves it!  

Wow.  What a wonderful feeling to know that a painting you did is actually giving joy to someone.  What an honor.

I do have to say that it is true about the colors.  I love painting in brilliant colors.  There is nothing like seeing these paintings in person.  The digital photos I post do not give them full justice.  

So if you want to stop over by my Etsy Shop, please do!  Even though I sold the original of this painting, there are some lovely prints, as well as other paintings and prints.

Thank you for stopping by, Thanks again to E and J, and I hope you all have a great weekend!

Carol B.  

Follow My Blog!

Hey, everyone!  Just a note to say that I found this cool thing called "Follow My Blog" in which anyone who reads my blog can add themselves as a follower.  It is over on the right hand side.  You click on the words that say Follow This Blog and you can add your name.  It will show your picture and site.  Not only will I be able to see all the wonderful people who follow my blog, but everyone else will see you and be able to click on your picture to go check out your site, too.  I've joined a few other sites that I have seen.  It's a lot of fun.

Thanks to Lulu at My Pink Turtle for being my first follower!

Til Later,

Carol B.

ETSY SHOP OPEN!

Finally!

Can you believe it?  After all this time, I am finally announcing the opening of my Etsy Shop!

It has taken me forever, mostly because I am so clueless when it comes to tech stuff.  I do want to learn how to be more proficient at technical things so I can do them myself, but it sure would be nice to have a Techie Friend so I could be gently guided through things, instead of having to bang my head against a brick wall every time I have to learn something new.

I do have to thank some people, because if it wasn't for them, I would never have made it this far.  A thank you to all the fellow online artists to whom I asked countless questions and that were so generous with their time and information, trying to get me to learn this stuff.  Your kindness and support is greatly appreciated.  Thank you to all those who gave me the encouragement to keep trying when all I wanted to do was give up.

And then there is my daughter.

She is the closest thing I have to a Techie friend.  When I went back to college it was she that saved many an essay that I thought I had lost when I pushed the wrong button.  And it was she that helped me to learn how to resize the photos of my paintings, which was preventing me from being able to get them up on my Etsy Shop.  I know she gets really frustrated with explaining things to me because she is already finished explaining how to do something when I am barely writing in my notes "Turn on computer..."  So a Big Thank You to my Baby ;) You are greatly loved.

Well, now that I thanked everyone, I hope you will all visit my Etsy Shop!  I think you will like what you see.  And this is just the beginning!  Now that I have my Studio and Etsy Shop in order, I am going to get going and get busy and paint, paint, paint all kinds of beautiful things I am sure you will love.  So please, go visit, and Enjoy!  

A thank you again to everyone for your support, and I hope you have a great weekend!

With Joy and Love,

Carol B.  

My Organized Studio!

Well, I finally did it!  I organized my studio! 

And no, as far as I know, hell did not freeze over.

As much as I love being organized, I do not like getting organized, which leaves me with quite a dilemma.  But I spent the past not quite a week super organizing my studio.  For the first time there is a place for everything and everything is in it's place.  Amazing! 

When I was getting my teacher's credentials, we had a class entitled, "Spending Time to Save Time."  The point was that if you spent some time planning and getting organized, then, in the long run, you would save time because you were organized.  

At first I thought that was the dumbest thing I ever heard of.  How could you save time if you were spending time planning things out, instead of just getting in there and doing things? Of course, in the process of actually teaching a class, I found that if you are not organized, you are going to end up wasting so much time running around trying to gather things that you should already have had prepared.  After many a disaster, I found out that it was true, if you spent some time before hand, planning for things and getting organized, you could be much more productive.  

Not that I suddenly got reformed and became Ms. Super Organized.  For me, being organized is like trying to stay on a diet while working in a chocolate factory.  Although it was a struggle, I did become more planned and organized as a teacher.  But that was because one of my fellow teachers that I planned with was super organized and kept me on track.  

Being planned and organized in my own life is still a super struggle, although I am slowly getting better at it.  I am just anxious to actually work in my newly organized studio and see if I really turn into Ms. Productive.  I am hoping I will.  Now, when I am thinking of some new project to do, I will actually have all the materials I need right at my fingertips, instead of trying to remember what pile it is under. 

But first, after writing this, I will be working on my Etsy Shop.  Yes, I finally sort of opened it last week, before I started working on my studio, but I didn't finish, because I had this chance to work on my studio.  Now I am going back to the Etsy Shop, which at this point only had a few things in it, which is why I did not formally announce it opening yet.  But when I totally put everything up, I will come back here and announce it.

Cross your fingers for me, 'cuz here I come!

Carol Be Organized.    

My Life, the Rollercoaster

This is my life right now.  A rollercoaster. 

Mind you, it is actually not even as bad as it used to be. 

Believe me, I have had some pretty wild rides before.  I thank God I am not there anymore. 

Right now I am on a different kind of rollercoaster.

It is called Growing Up.

Growing up?  As old as I am?

Well, you see, all the years of my life I took the safe road. Meaning, I did all the things that I was supposed to do.  Or, at least, the kind of things that I hoped would not make waves for me.  

Come to think of it, now that I write that, I see that even that statement is not quite right.

I partly tried to live a safe life, so as not to make waves.  

Then, again, I did have some crazy things happen in my life.  I guess what I mean by growing up is that this is the first time in my life that I am living it according to the way I want to live it, giving myself permission to be the real me.

Which is really scary.

For whatever reasons there are in life that all the self help books talk about, I have spent my life denying who it was I really wanted to be.  Whatever I knew would truly make me happy, I made sure not to allow it in my life.  Whatever I knew would make me miserable, I made sure to go after that.

Why?

I still don't know.  Millions of reasons and no reason at all.

My point is, that, even though I have been around quite a while, I have never lived my life.  

I made sure to be all the people I was "supposed" to be, but I was never the real me.

Right now, as I have left my old life behind and have begun this journey to live the real me, meaning, to do the things in my life that really matter to me, that have always mattered to me, I am telling you, it is the hardest thing to do.  Especially when you have never allowed yourself to do that.

What I am saying is that I was going to again begin this blog saying, "oh, my gosh, I blew it again!  It's been so long since I've been here!"  But I felt I would be saying the same thing with the same promises not to ever do that again, and yet afraid I was going to do it again.  

The thing is, after all the years of my life not allowing me to be me,  it is damn hard finally allowing me to be me.  My life goes up and down, forwards and backwards, inching my way up, then crashing down at breakneck speed.  

My old ways don't want me to be happy.  They tell me it is not right to be the real me.  It is selfish to be the real me.  And who are you to do that anyway?  Who gave you permission to be happy?  Who gave you permission to be "Carol B."?

Well, damn it, I gave myself permission to be Carol B.  I knew when I was four years old that I was supposed to be an artist, and damn it, I am going to be an artist.  It has taken me weeks to finally learn how to put up my Etsy shop, because of the dumb tech problems I was having in knowing how to resize and put up pictures, but I finally learned, and instead of giving up like the old me would have done, my Etsy shop will soon be up.  There is probably no one else around that has taken so long to put up an Etsy Shop, but there you go.  And I have always loved to write and instead of telling myself "who are you to write this blog?" I am going to write it.  I am hoping along the way that maybe whatever I write will touch a cord in someone else's life and help them in whatever they are going through, the way the writing of others has helped me.  But even if it doesn't, I am going to write this because I really want to and it means something to me, and that should be reason enough.

Yes, I am back again.  And I will give myself permission to put up my Etsy shop and to tell you when it is up.  I will give myself permission to work on my art today because it is how I breathe, how I was always meant to breathe.  And I will give myself permission to come back here tomorrow and write because I love to write and I love to communicate and I love reaching out to others and I hope I am reaching out to you.

I give myself permission to be

Carol B.  

Soap Box to Best Buy Stores

I don't usually complain.

If I don't like something, I'm always the nice girl, saying, "that's alright," even when it's not.

This time, though, I thought, hey, I have a blog.  I can say anything I want.  Especially since I know I'm not going to abuse it, just speak my mind.

So here's my mind.

I bought a new washer and dryer from Best Buy just a year and a half ago.  Last week, my dryer went out.  Now, after a year and a half, I don't think that should happen, but the way things are nowadays, what else is new?

Last week I called to make an appointment for service.  They told me it would take a week.

What??  You expect me to wait a whole week?  I have to go a whole week without a dryer??

Sorry.

Ok.

So I waited, like a nice little girl, dishing out tons of quarters in a stinking hot laundrymat.

Then came today.

The day for service.

I was so excited, you'd think I was going on a long awaited cruise.

Hey, after a week in the laundrymat, having my own dryer back to do laundry in my own home would be like taking a long awaited cruise.

The serviceman was prompt.  He was polite.  I was hopeful.  

"Well, ma'am, it's your thermostat."

By the hesitant look on his face I was getting a little nervous.

"Oh.  Ok.  Do you have one in your truck?"

"No, ma'am.  I have to order it."

I gulped.

"Uh, how long will that take?"

"Well, it usually only takes about two or three working days."

"Oh, good," I said.  I thought you were going to tell me it was going to take a long time."

"Well, since today's already Thursday, it won't come until next week."

"Oh."

"It wont' come to us, it will be delivered to you, and then you call us, and then we'll set up an appointment to come out and put it in."

Can you believe it?

What the heck kind of service is that?

I have always bought all my appliances at Sears, but after a few problems with previous merchandise, I decided to veer off the long, beaten path that has kept my family going to Sears for generations.

I thought I was cool trying something new.

But I'll tell you, not even Sears ever did something to me like this.  It might take me about four days to get a service person out to my house, but it never took as long as a week.  And whatever it was, they always had whatever they needed to fix the problem in their truck.

Why the heck would it take a service person from Best Buy a whole week to come out to my house, and yet they are not even properly prepared to fix the problem?  

My dryer spins through the cycle, but there is no heat.

Even my son, who is not mechanically inclined, said he figured it must be the thermostat.

Even my husband, who is also not mechanically inclined (lucky me), said it was probably the thermostat.  If they guessed that was what it was, don't you think the experts who saw the report might think, "Hmm.  I bet it's the thermostat," and bring a thermostat with them, just in case?

Nowadays, after a service, companies often have someone call to survey the customer about what they thought of the service.

I usually don't bother with the survey.

This time, you bet I will.

OMG! It's the Crafty Chica!

Yesterday, one of my dreams came true as I met Kathy Cano-Murillo, aka the Crafty Chica!  

As I wrote yesterday, she is appearing at select Michael's Craft stores, promoting her new product line.  I am the happy person on the left, holding one of her great craft books, "Art de la Soul" which she signed for me.  If you don't have this book, get your copy!  Not only does it have the most fun craft ideas, but she has a running diary in which she reveals the successes as well as the mishaps of a crafter's life.

I was so nervous all day yesterday, knowing I was going to meet her.  When my husband came home from work he tip-toed around me cuz he knows how I get when I am that nervous.

Grrrrr!

We got to Michael's early where me, my husband, and my daughter, who joined us, looked around til Kathy got there.

And, oh, was she the nicest person!  

I had taken a picture of my avatar, the little angel with the wings that I use as my icon, to show her so that she might know who I am, since I often write to her.  My daughter made fun of me.

"Oh, mom!  She put up the picture of you on her blog, the one you sent her when you bought her stuff.  She'll recognize you!"

And she did!

"Of course, Carol," Kathy said.  "I recognize you."

We talked with Kathy and took pictures and she signed my book.  We mingled with all the other Crafty Chica fans.  My husband, daughter, and I spent a long time talking to her husband, Patrick Murillo, who does most of the artwork for her line.  He was the nicest, most down to earth person.  We had the greatest time!

After staying there for a long time, we finally said our good-byes and left.  I am telling you, I was on Cloud Nine!

As we walked to our car my husband gave me a hug and a kiss.

"I hope you had a good time," he said, knowing I did!

"Yes," I said.  "Thank you for joining me!"

Sigh.

It was a moment I will never forget.

Still floating on Cloud Nine,

Carol B.

The Crafty Chica in L.A.!

Yowie, zowie!  She's here!

Kathy Cano-Murillo, aka the Crafty Chica is in Los Angeles for her Spread the Sparkle Tour!

She is promoting her new craft products line which I told you about earlier this month.  She will be stopping by at various Michael's Craft Stores throughout California.  

Last night she was in San Diego.  Tonight she will be at the Michael's in Glendale, located at 219 N. Glendale Ave. near the Glendale Galleria.  She will be there from 6:00-8:00 pm. to sign books and I think she is going to do a craft project.    You can go to her website or her blogspot for more info.

Kathy is one of my all-time heroes, My Lady of Inspiration, so you bet I am going to be there.  I suggest if you want to meet someone truly inspirational, who has courageously given her all to live The Art Life, then come on down tonight (Tuesday night) and show Kathy your support.  Come say hi, and check out her stuff.  She has so many great things you'll have a hard time deciding what to buy!  I know I did!  

She's only going to be in the L.A. area tonight, and then she moves on up towards northern California, so don't miss this great event!

Hope to see you there!!

Carol B.

I'm Still Here!

Just wanted to stop and say that yes, I am still here.  I had been trying to put up my Etsy Store on Friday and right when I thought I had it all together, I ran into trouble with how to put up the pictures of my work.  And I spent ALL DAY trying to put everything together!  I lost all that writing I had spent forever trying to put up.  Then the weekend came and I was not home much and I had to go to the laundry mat because my dryer broke down and yada, yada, yada.  I will be trying with the store again soon.  

Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Carol B.

Lessons Learned

I was distracted.

At least, I was on the surface.

Underneath it all, things are going on inside.

I was going to say that boy, it's been a long time since I have posted but I started this novel I had been wanting to get to and the weekend came and then my daughter came to visit and I had to go to the printer and I got my hair done and maybe I needed to take a little break from everything..

On and on.

I now see what was happening.

It is that thing where every time I am going to make a big leap forward, I stall.

The great thing is, I can see that I am making progress.  

The last time this happened I started to doubt myself and this whole process of living this art life that I have wanted to live me my whole life.  Thanks to so many wonderful, thoughtful artists, I am beginning to believe in myself more.  This time I stalled by just taking a break, but with every intention of coming back.  

So here I am and it is great to be back.  I have a lot of catching up to do with networking and I haven't even been painting! (although I have been making sketches, so that's good).  

I've been thinking about it this morning and I now know what all this is.  It is the process of growing up, learning something new, and this new thing for me that I am in the process of learning is how to believe in myself.

I am telling you, it is about time!  I am not even going to get into how late in life I am learning this, but trust me, it is, although, as I have learned, better late than never, which is how I have been doing my life.  Late, but better than never.

Learning to believe in yourself is something that would have been great if I had learned it so much earlier.  As a kid would be great, in my teens, or even in my twenties.  That way it all wouldn't seem so confusing.  Although maybe it would anyway.

All I know is that I feel like a little baby who is learning how to walk.  You drag yourself up and you toddle and stumble and fall and then you have to get up again.  But at least a baby does it more confidently.  I guess because they are doing this new thing without as much knowledge as to what is going to happen when they fall.  So they can just get up and keep plowing right through.  The problem with doing something like that the older you get is that now you can think of what is going to happen or what might happen if you fall, which makes you more hesitant to try.  That is the wonderful part of learning something at a more traditional age.  Not as much fear so not as much hesitation.

Yes, it would have been nicer to have learned this when I was much younger.  But the wonderful thing that has happened for me is that, although things can get scary, I have found the most wonderful network of caring people in this group that I call the Online Artists.  I have never been more supported in my life.  If you are out there and you don't know this group, I am telling you, don't be afraid to put yourself out there.  There are so many people out there that will actually help you get up when you fall.

Which makes falling down not as bad.

And getting up even better.

And continuing on a stronger person than ever before the most wonderful God send.

Many thanks, and God Bless you all.

Carol B.

Cupcake Love!

Here is my latest painting.  It is called "'Cupcake Love."

I think it is so cute!  I just love it.  

Best of all it is zero calories!

I wish you could see it in person.  The colors are great.

For right now, I am taking digital pictures, then loading them up here.  I have been told that with scanning you can get a much better picture.  I finally got someone to help me learn the basics, but when I tried to do it a while ago by myself, I couldn't do it!  Oh, brother!

I am not a natural "techy" (the word I use for "technical person") so it's hard for me to do what might come easily for others.

But I'm not giving up.

That is the new me.

I am waiting for the print shop to finish making prints of some other paintings I did.  As soon as they come back, I am believing I will finally be able to open my Etsy Shop!

Yay!  

You can believe I will let you know as soon as that is done.

For now, I am dreaming of Cupcake Love.

Sweet Dreams!

Carol B.

Women Rule!

A man dies and goes to heaven.

When he gets there he sees a long line, as far as the eye can see.

In the line there are nothing but men.

He goes to the front of the line where there is a sign that reads;

"Men Who's Wives Were the Boss of Their Home."

Hmm...

The man looked to his left.  There was another sign that read;

"Men Who's Wives Were Not the Boss of Their Home."

There is only one man standing in that line.

The man who just died goes up to the man in line.

"Hey, brother, am I glad to meet you!  Let me shake your hand!  You're the Man!  So tell me, how is it that you got to stand in this line?"

The man in line shrugged.

"I don't know.  My wife just told me to stand here."

Life is good. ;)

Carol B.

The Crafty Chica is Here!

Hey, everybody! Lookie here!

The Crafty Chica is at your nearest Michael's! 

In case you haven't been in the know about one of the greatest crafter artists around, let me tell you about Kathy Cano-Murillo. She is from Tuscan, Arizona and for years she has been designing the coolest crafts.  She has also put ten lives into one, don't ask me how.  She is a mom, a wife, an artist, crafter, designer, writer, she has several craft books out and more on the way, and she even has three novels coming out soon!  On top of that, this past Friday, on August 1, she came out with a line of craft products that have premiered at Michael's Craft Stores.  They are awesome!  My hubby and I went on Saturday to one of the Michael's close by and we bought a bunch of fun stuff.  Can't wait to use them!

But I am telling you, she is one of my absolute heroes, my inspiration.  She has done all that I mentioned above and more, and she did it with a full, lifetime commitment to Art. By that I mean, when she and her husband married, they vowed to live a life totally surviving on their art (her hubby is also an artist as well as a musician).  No other full time jobs while they did their art on the side, but 100% living on their art.  Now, how many of us artists wish we could have had the courage to have done that?  You know they paid the price, but they did it anyway, and now, after what I guess is almost or around 20 years, they are taking it all to an even greater, more successful level!  I am hoping that one day she will write a detailed book on how she did it.  

To get her whole story, you will have to check out the Crafty Chica website, and her 

Crafty Chica Blog.   I know that when you do you will be in awe of this amazing woman.  

In the meantime, go to Michael's and get some of her paint, glitter, stencils, jewelry kits..the list goes on and on!  The thing is to support this dedicated artist.  It's a way of supporting our whole art community, as well as the fact that you will just have a ball playing with all her stuff!

Until later,

Carol B.

Be Brave

Be Brave.

Again, it has been almost a whole week since I have last posted.  As you might have read on my posting for July 28, I was going through a really crucial time.  It is often times when I am on the brink of a huge breakthrough that I freak out and want to back away.  

This post is dedicated to the many wonderful people with such a kind heart that helped pull me through.  What would I have done without them?  Who knows.

The first thing I will do is to give notice to these wonderful artists who were quick to come to my rescue. They are Lulu, Suzan Buckner, Amy Sullivan, Tammy, and Julie.  Go check out the sites of these wonderful women who are not only amazing artists, but who obviously have the kindest hearts, and that, my friends, are what real people are all about. 

These women told me over and over again to Be Brave, because I could do it.  The loveliest words ever.  

This post and this painting is dedicated to these wonderful artists that know what true beauty is all about.  It is also dedicated to anyone else who would read these words who might be unsure or in despair in any way.  May these artists, these words, and this painting let you know that you are not alone, and that you, too, will come shining through.

Be Brave.

With love,

Carol B.

Shake, Rattle and Roll!

YIKES!

Earthquake here in the L.A. area!

Thank God, as of 4:35 pm, all is basically well.

Maybe all of you in other areas could say a little prayer for us that it stays that way!

Steadily yours,

Carol B.

Hopes, Dreams, and Fears

I can't believe it's been almost a week since I have posted!

I told myself I wasn't going to do that.  

There are several blogs that I look at everyday and when an artist takes a long time before they come back to post it drives me crazy.  I think, Where are you?  I really love to look at new paintings and what they have to write, so I really miss them when they are gone for a while.  So I told myself I wasn't going to do that, and yet, here I am, doing just that.

But I have been going through a weird phase.

I had been looking for a print shop to make prints of my work so that I can finally open an Etsy shop and start selling.  I am thinking about investing in a nice printer so that I can do the job myself, but it is so expensive that I got a little scared and I thought, well, let's see if, in the meantime, I can find a print shop and they can at least get the ball rolling for me.  Miracles of miracles, last week I actually found one, and close by.  

At first I didn't think they wanted to do it.  They mostly do printing for businesses.  But they said they would try it and I could check it out and they would see if they could adjust the colors and stuff to my liking.

At first I didn't think it was going to work out, but after two or three days, they did a perfect job.  I was thrilled!  I thought, oh, boy, now I can open an Etsy shop and really start my dream come true of starting to sell and make my living as an artist.  I even got a couple of offers to buy some of my paintings.

And then I stopped.

I thought, do I really want to do this?

Can I really do this?

Who am I kidding?

I have given up so much just to give myself this chance, and yet, right when things are starting to come alive, I want to abandon my dream.

I freaked out.

I was thinking, maybe I should just stop and do something else.

But I have done this before.

Right when I am finally doing something I have always wanted to do and success is around the corner, I quit.

Talk about self-sabotage.

What a horrible thing.

Has anyone else had this problem?

How did you solve it?

Why do we do this?

But, thank goodness for other artists who have shared their stories of falling down and getting back up again.  Three steps forward, and two steps back, then getting up and three steps forward again.

It is early in the morning but I decided to open up my laptop and get back here again.

Here is a painting I did about wishing on a star and the hopes and dreams of the heart.

Shaking off the fear, getting up, and stepping forward towards that life you have waited so long for.

That we deserve.

So let's get up and go!

Frida Kahlo Exhibit

I love all the traditional pictures of Frida Kahlo, but I really love this one.  It looks very different from the norm.

And if you happen to be anywhere near the Los Angeles area, you really need to get down to the Chimaya gallery.  They are having a great Frida exhibit, in honor of her birthday.  There are many different paintings of Frida by many talented artists, including an artist that I had nominated the other day for a Brilliant Blog Award, none other than Ms. Cathy Ashworth of the Cat Box Art Studio.  She has painted many different, beautiful versions of Frida.  

Chimaya is a great place with all kinds of beautiful treasures, including some knockout jewelry. I forgot to get the address before I started writing this post, but you can always google it, or, better yet, go to the Cat Box Art Studio.  Kathy has a flyer posted, as well as a link to Chimaya. 

You can also stop by and say hi to Cathy as you check out her gorgeous work.

Speaking of work, gotta get back to work myself.

Thanks for stopping by!

Carol B.   

Make It Work!

Oh, brother.  This is the second time I have tried to upload a picture from Photobucket to display a picture of Project Runway and I still couldn't make it work.  This is after my daughter showed me how and I thought I got it for sure.  Oh well.  Maybe next time.  Or maybe I should just paint my own picture...idea..:):)

Anyway, it's already Sunday and I didn't even comment on one of my favorite programs, Project Runway. I was reminded by Jenn of Noodle and Lou Studio who wrote me a comment and said how she also loves this program.  I was so excited to see the program start its 5th season, but yes, as Jenn mentioned, all the tablecloth outfits were a little boring.  But the winning outfit was really cool and innovative.  

The designers had 30 minutes to grab stuff from a market with which to make an outfit.  Too many designers picked tablecloths, which made it safe and boring, but the winning designer made a full skirt out of vacuum cleaner bags and dyed them with these drip designs.  I thought, omg, is she kidding?  But it turned out great.  The top of the dress was made by putting two coffee filters with the same drip design over the model's chest.  Sounds crazy, but it worked.  It was a design you could actually see someone wearing.

I have to say, I sure wish I looked like those models, but, at the same time, I wouldn't like knowing that my boobs fit into a couple of coffee filters!

I guess it shows there truly are things about ourselves we should appreciate and love!:):)

Hope you are all having a great weekend!

Hugs! 

Carol B.      

Look how pretty!

This is my latest painting that I just finished today.  Isn't she pretty?  I really like her.  It's called "Love is in the Air."

I am still working on how to get a good picture.  Sometimes the photo doesn't come out as clear and beautiful as I would like it to.  I would like to show you how beautiful the painting is. 

I have been working hard to be faster in my painting, as well as learning how to do things on my blog.  I still have a lot to learn and a lot of things to add to this site.  What I am really looking forward to is getting prints of my paintings so that I can finally put up my Esty Store.  I am still debating on whether to have my work printed up in a print shop or whether to invest in my own printer.  Investing in the kind of printer that would do high quality prints and its upkeep is very expensive, but some people have been telling me that it would still be worth it. What do you think?  If you have done one of the two, what is your experience? 

Have a beautiful, peaceful weekend!

Carol B.

Yippeee!

Hey, everybody, I was nominated for a Weblog Award by Annette from Annette's Art!  What a sweetheart to help me as I enter the blogging world.  She has been such an encouraging friend to me.  By the way, you just have to check out her work.  This is one talented artist!

I have nominated seven other wonderful artists' blogs for this award.  They are:

The Crafty Chica

All Norah's Art

Thrifty Collage Artist

chaos in a CATbox

Pimp My Spleen

Judy Wise

Catherine Holman Folk Art

When nominated for this award:

1. Put Logo on your blog.

2. Add a link to the person who awarded you.

3. Nominate at least 7 other blogs.

4. Add links to those blogs on yours.

5. Leave a message for your nominees on their blogs.

This is the first time I have added links, so I hope I did it correctly!  

I do have to tell you that if you want to see some great work, link on to these talented artists.

Thank you again to Annette and to all the other great artists who have inspired me!

Love and Gratitude,

Carol B. 

Me and My Family

I used to be a teacher, so I know saying "Me and My Family" is not proper, but since I am no longer a teacher, I can say it however I want!

Anyway, here is that "group" picture I told you about on my last post that I took of my family when we were out enjoying the day on Saturday.  It includes my mother, father, daughter, son, my son's girlfriend, and my husband and myself.  

Can you guess which one is mine? 

And no, it's not the one with the hairy leg!  (I always shave).

Til later!

Carol B. 

It's My Birthday!

Yup, today is my B-Day!  Not that I'm going to tell you how old I am.  In cyberland, you can be as young as you want to be!

Even though my birthday is today, on

 Friday I made sure to let my family know that, since everyone is previously engaged on weekdays, I was going to make the entire weekend my Birthday Weekend.  And I have to tell you I had a wonderful time!

On Friday night, my son made a great dinner (he likes to cook!).  My daughter came over to spend the weekend, which was a great treat.  

On Saturday, my hubby, kids, and I had 

a great lunch at an extra fancy Marie Callendar's

 in L.A. It's on the Miracle Mile in what I think is called the Wilshire District (I'm bad with locations and directions).  Anyway, it's on Wilshire Blvd., sorta close to UCLA.

Afterwards, we went to LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art).  They were having a wonderful, historic presentation of a portion of Cheech Marin's collection of Chicano art.  I have been waiting forever to see this show, so I was really thrilled.  We were joined there by my parents, which was a surprise, so that was another thrill.  

Afterwards, we went to the Farmer's Market and the Grove on Fairfax where my daughter treated us all to my first taste of Pinkberry's, so now I am officially up to date on what is "in" :)

Altogether, I had a most wonderful time that day, as well as yesterday.  The best thing was that I got to have a great time with my family all together.  

I wish I knew how to put the photos I am posting in order with captions, but I have not learned how to do that yet.  I tried, but messed everything up, so had to start all over again.  I have to explain that the second picture, with all the lampposts, is a wild installation in front of the museum.  Only in my beloved L.A.!  The last picture I was posting was going to be what my daughter has ensured me is the new cool thing to do, and that is putting the foot of everyone who is in your group together for a "group" photo, except when I tried to post the picture, it was taking forever to post.  I tried for the longest time, but it would not.  I don't know what I am doing wrong.  I was thinking maybe there is a limit, but I know there is not because I have seen other people post many pictures.  If you know what I am doing wrong or can direct me to where I can find that answer, please do!  I wish I did not have to post it later because it is my favorite, but I guess I will have to.

Anyway, as for that kind of "group" photo,  I have seen photos like this on other people's blogs. I never quite got the meaning of it, but, doing it with my own family on a most wonderful day like the day I had turned out to have a lot of meaning for me after all.

I will end with saying that, of any gifts I might receive today, having my family all together with me and the day they gave me on Saturday is truly the most blessed gift I could ever receive.

I am truly blessed.

Carol B. 

Margie Magic Fingers!

I am dedicating this painting to Margie, my hairdresser, who I call Margie Magic Fingers because she performs such magic on me!  

I go in with yucky hair, desperately in need of a professional's touch.  As I sit in her chair I imagine what I will look like when she is finished.  Do I dare hope, dream, believe I will be transformed?  

And when she is done, trumpets blare, as, once again, Margie works her magic and I come out looking like a princess!

Yay! (Clap, clap).

Now, if only I could take her home so she could do my hair every morning!  I still can't roll that big round brush while I blow dry my hair to make it look like she does.

May we all look in the mirror and see ourselves as the princess we are anyway!

Have a great day!

Carol B.

  

Back to Painting!

It's been several days since I've painted and boy, do I miss it!  As nice as it is to take a break and enjoy family it's great to get back to work.

Here is a painting that I'm dedicating to those looking forward to new adventures.  There are a lot of new college graduates out there, looking to get out into the world.  There are also those who have been around, but are preparing to venture into new goals.  

To all, I wish you a great Monday and a successful week.  

Hope you enjoy the painting!

Carol B. 

Happy 4th of July!

To everyone, I wish you a happy and safe 4th of July!  

I wish I could put up a cool picture, but since I am still figuring it out, you will have to pretend you see a picture of the flag waving mightily on a beautiful starlit night.

If you are having a BBQ or are away for the weekend, have fun!  As for me and my hubby, we are off to my mom's house for a BBQ.

In gratitude for the country we live in,

Carol B.

Thank You!

I just wanted to say to "bigk", thank you for commenting!  You are my first comment ever!  I don't even know how you found me, as I just started.  But thank you for sharing, and thank you for your kind comment about my painting.  I do hope to get on a roll and keep painting and keep posting.

As for commenting about the post I did called "Identity" and how a mother might react to a child's death, I do have to say that the mother involved in this particular incident has had a much more difficult time.  I don't blame her.  But I do know that this particular father was really close to his son.  I know that all fathers love their children, but this person was much closer to his son than I have seen a lot of fathers be.  From what I understand, they were really close and did everything together, like best friends.  And this man is not a macho guy.  He is very kind and sensitive.  I am a mother myself, so I could be prejudice in saying a mother might feel more, but who knows what people feel in the very deepest part of their heart?  

The only thing I can say for sure is what I was saying for myself, and that is I know I have gone through some pretty devastating things that I had allowed to create a negative identity for myself.  That got me nowhere.  It has taken a long time to get out of it, but it is possible to create a new identity as a strong, creative Woman of Worth, and it is creating that identity that is helping me to live a new life.  

Here is to all of us standing up, "bigk", and shouting that we will be the Best We Can Be, and letting nothing stop us!

Carol B.

It's Back!

OMG!  I just found out yesterday that the new season of Project Runway is starting in two weeks! I could have sworn it started later in the year.  I guess I was thinking of something else. 

I love this program.  The characters are great to watch and watching them work is amazing. One of the things I love best about it is the "make it work" ethic.  It makes me realize that there are no excuses to doing what you want to do.  Even if it's not what you want at the moment you need to just get in there and make it work, and most of the time it comes out better than you would have even imagined.

I wanted to make sure not to let too many days lapse in writing this blog, but my hubby is home and we're painting the kitchen (I'm lying; he's the one that's painting) and I've been off my schedule. I'm trying to get back in the swing of things, including getting back to my painting.  I haven't been and it's driving me crazy!  Hope to show some new work soon!

Meanwhile, "make it work"!

Carol B.   

P.S. Speaking of making it work, I just noticed the photo I wanted to post above for Project Runway did not come out.  How do I make that work?? Oh well.  Keep trying. :)  

Identity

Being able to create is wonderful, especially for those of us who are artists.  Everyone has the ability to create.  We create everyday, whether it is in the form of a painting, a photograph, or a delicious meal for our family.

Another thing we create is our identity.   Yesterday, I heard someone talk about negative events that happen in our life and how they can affect our identity.  He said we can acknowledge the event as a significant chapter in our life, but for our own benefit we should not allow it to create a negative identity.  

Many of us, myself included, have had terrible things happen in our lives.  Without fully realizing it, I had, in the past, allowed these events to create my identity.  People treat you badly, and you start believing that the whole world always treats you badly.  You never got to do what you always wanted to do, and that's the way it will always be because that is who you are. 

I personally believe the most horrible thing that can happen to a person is to lose a child.  I would not blame a person if they spent the rest of their life identifying themself as the destroyed person who had lost a child.  

I know someone who, many years ago, did lose a child.  He said he had his grieving time, and then, one day, he knew it was time to start over and go on, believing that one day he would see his child again.

I did not know this person when this happened.  However, when I met him, years later, I would never have know that this most horrible of events had happened to this man.  He is kind and thoughtful, giving and with a wicked sense of humor.  Not a streak of the bitterness and resentment I believe I would have had.  This is a person that accepted the death of his child as something terrible that happened to him, but he did not let it create his identity.

Allowing myself to be the artist I always knew I was meant to be has been difficult and a long time coming.  But, if we do not like who we allowed ourself to become, it is in our power to start over and create a new identity.  

If you look at your life and do not like what you have allowed to create your identity, then join me as we start over, and create the person we know we were always meant to be.  Just as we use our creative talents to create a new work of art, let us also use the talents within us to create a new and wonderful identity.

Joy in creating,

Carol B. 

     

Hello!

Well, what do you know?  I am posting my first blog! 

I am so excited about taking my first step out into the art world.  I want to share my art.  I want to share my hopes and dreams.  I hope that writing this will not only inspire myself to reach out and grow but that it will also inspire others to reach for their dreams.  Let's do it together!

With encouragement and love,

Carol B.