Yikes!

Sorry I have not been posting any art here.  I have been working on the painting that I last posted.  I was almost finished but not satisfied with the face.  I thought of changing it but I thought, "what are you, crazy?  The background is almost finished.  What if you mess the whole thing up?"  That would usually have kept me from making any change, but then I thought, "I might mess it up, but I will never be satisfied if I don't try."  And so I did the most daring thing in playing with the face.  Right now I like it but it doesn't match the style of the background, so I have to see where to go from here.

The problem I have had in my art is that when it looks decent, then, even if I would like to experiment, I am too afraid to "mess it up" so I stop in fear.  I hate that I am afraid because it keeps me from growing.  Lately I have been in the process of "breaking out," trying to push things and get out of my comfort zone which I have rarely allowed myself to do.  And you know what?  It is so cool!  Yes, I might mess up that painting, or something else I try might not look as good as the old tried and true, but to free yourself out of a self imposed prison is wonderful!

But I am afraid I have reached an impasse in which I am really scared.

Why did I post the above photo?  Because of something I have to do this Saturday.

My mom invited me to go to a Mother/Daughter Tea from her church.

No, that's not the problem.  Honest.

The tea is being held in someone's backyard which will be really nice but in order to give it that "Garden Party" type of look, all the women have to wear hats and gloves.

Hats and gloves, people.

I am not a hats and gloves type of person.

I told my mom I don't even have a dress to wear, much less to be seen in a hat and gloves.  My mom said, "but you have to wear a hat a gloves!"

I was not taking the whole thing too seriously but I suddenly started to worry.  I might think I am cool not wearing some silly hat and gloves, but, on the contrary, it will probably be me who looks silly not wearing a hat and gloves if everyone else is wearing a hat and gloves.  Besides, my mom was adamant about me wearing a hat and gloves.

That's ok for her.  She is crazy about wearing hats and gloves.  I remember when I was young and we would all go to church and it was the early 60's (ok, so don't be calculating my age) and the Jackie Kennedy look was in and there was my mom in her Cassini inspired suit, pillbox hat and gloves going to church all spiffy.  That was ok for her because my mom is a teeny weeny woman and on a fat day she weighs 90 pounds (and no, I am not exaggerating; any relative reading this post will confirm this).  She has always liked to dress up in that classy type of look and she grew up in those decades when it was chic for a woman to wear a hat and gloves so it is all perfectly normal for her.  Me, I have never worn a hat and, even though I have seen some very cool hats that I would honestly love to wear, and I admire women who can wear hats, I feel I look silly in them, at least, uncomfortable.  And if I don't have a dress I am going to feel silly wearing a hat and gloves with some dumb pants, especially when they are not made to go with a hat and gloves look.

Anyway, to make a long story short (too late!) my mom found me this long, summery dress that use to belong to her but she says it looks too young for her now and she told me to try it on and, lo and behold, it fits! (it stretches) and it actually looks really good on me and it even has that kind of look where you could picture it at a Garden Party with a hat and gloves.

So at least I have a dress and my mother told me to go to her house early on Saturday and she has all kinds of hats and gloves for me to try on and see what matches.  

At first I thought that would be cool and that I could actually do this, but now I am getting pretty scared.  

What if I freak?

What if I run out and say "NO, I CAN'T DO THIS!" and my mom gets really hurt and starts crying?

I ask you, WHAT KIND OF MOTHER'S DAY WILL THAT BE??

Ok, so I am being dramatic.  

But I am still getting scared.  So if you pray, just say a little prayer for me.

AND NO, I AM NOT GOING TO POST PICTURES.

Unless I end up looking really cute. ;)

Who knows?  Maybe in breaking out of this "no hat and gloves" box I am in, I might find out I really like it!

We'll see.

I'll also try to get my art together and see about putting up some stuff.

'Til later,

Carol B.