Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all.

And to those who are missing someone this day,

may they still be in all your hopes and dreams.

Love,

Carol B.

Pomona Art Colony

Ok, so is this a beautiful painting or what?

It is just a small part of a mural that is painted on a building located in the Pomona Art Colony. A friend of mine was showing a couple of her paintings in the Pomona Valley Art Association so my hubby and I went down there to see them. Wish I could show them to you but not allowed to take photos.

My husband took a lot of other photos of this area and this mural was one of them. It's so large he couldn't take a photo of the whole thing without having to go so far back that you wouldn't really be able to see the details, so he photographed parts of it.

This was my favorite figure in the mural. Here is a close up:

Still not anywhere as magnificent as if you saw it in person.

Wish I could list the artist but couldn't find the name.

Whoever you are, you are fantastic!

If you're ever in the area, go check it out. There's lots of galleries and cool campy boutiques.

Now that we're inspired, let's go back and paint!

'Til later,

Carol B.

Sunny and Grateful

"3 For You And Me"

Mixed Media on cardboard

8 1/2 x 11

It's freezing here in L.A.!

Ok. So it's 64 degrees.

I know that is sissy weather for many of you who are in areas that are honest to goodness freezing. But for us here in Los Angeles it is freezing!

Yes, when it comes to weather, we are sissies.

But looking at this painting with its brilliant warm colors makes me feel nice and toasty!

(Colors more brilliant in person).

(Honest).

I am sitting here in my room with the curtains open wide and I am bundled in my socks and sweats to keep warm, but even though it's cold, the sun is shining in so bright! It's clear and beautiful outside, so yes, I am grateful.

Hope everything is good for you.

And yes, cousin Karen, when you are spending your Christmas truly freezing in the Northeast, I will be thinking of you here in Sunny L.A!

HA HA!

Love,

Carol B.

Painting Free

"Through Any Window"

Mixed Media on paper

18x24

I have been having a great time with this new style of painting.

New to me, that is.

No boundaries.

No limits.

What I am working on in life, as well as in my painting.

I started out with this background:

Actually went through several transformations.

It is teaching me not to be afraid of making a mistake.

Instead of hesitating, afraid to make one "wrong" brush mark, backing away in fear and putting the work aside, I now go for it, painting what I feel, and if it doesn't work, painting over it and working it again.

Now to do that in life!

I added my person:

Her closeup:

The painting is too big to scan so the colors are not exact, but you get the idea.

Painting Free!

Peace.

Carol B.

A Letter To My Mom

It is over two and a half months since my mother died.

But I am having a hard time because my feelings are stuck and I can't get that it's real.

So I live in this land where I wander around like maybe there's something wrong but I don't know what.

Yesterday was not a very good day.

So this morning I wrote a letter to my mom, hoping it will help.

I am posting it here.

It is very early in the morning, when it is still dark outside and when things seem ok that might not seem ok later on when it gets light.

But I'm going to put it here anyway, hoping that if I send it out in cyberspace it might make it seem more real than when I sit here with my feelings, all by myself in the dark.

Forgive me if it seems too personal or if what I am saying sounds weird.

I am just trying to get myself to understand.

Mom,

Why did you die?

I don't know what to think.

I couldn't stand seeing you die.

I couldn't stand seeing you suffer.

I know you aren't suffering anymore, but I still see when you were suffering and there was nothing I could do.

At the same time things are bugging me because I can't see that you really died.

I can't see it as having happened at all.

I keep thinking you are just off visiting Aunt Alice and that you haven't come back yet and now it's getting later and later and where are you?

How come you haven't come back?

Dad is lonely and needs you.

But you aren't coming back, are you?

You really honestly died and are buried in the ground and you are not coming back.

And yet, even as I write this I just can't see it as being true, which is why this is such a bug for me because I am stuck in this feeling that you are off visiting your sister and when are you coming back?

But you are not coming back, are you?

Are you really in heaven?

Are you really with God?

Are you really with Jesus?

Is it all really real?

Are you happy being there?

I think I miss you.

My pants aren't hemmed.

I need them for work and my pants aren't hemmed because you aren't here.

You aren't going to be here for Thanksgiving, are you?

You aren't going to be here for Joe's birthday, are you?

You aren't going to be here for Janine's birthday, are you?

You aren't going to be here for Christmas, are you?

You aren't going to be here for Dionna's birthday, are you?

You aren't going to be here for Dad's birthday, are you?

And you aren't going to be here for Mother's Day, are you?

What am I going to do then, if I don't have a mother?

You aren't going to be here for Eric's birthday, are you?

You aren't going to be here when Eric and Janine finally get married and have your great-grandbabies, are you?

And you aren't going to be here for my birthday, are you?

Ever again.

Year after year, you won't be here, ever again.

I miss you.

Love,

Carol

Love, Always

Happy Birthday, Steven.

May your creative light shine on me always!

Love,

Carol B.

Heart's Intent

"Heart's Intent"

Acrylic on paper

18x24

My cousin wrote to me about a big change she is going through.

Right when she thought things were headed in the direction she had hoped and planned for, things changed.

Not for the better.

At least, not the way it looks on the outside.

But she said that because there is nothing she can do, she will wait and have faith that it will all work out.

Deeper than that.

As in, really seeking God and waiting for His direction.

I was very torn.

My long spiritual journey has been a roller coaster.

There have been times when things were great.

Not just circumstances. But also the times when things were not so great, and yet I had faith and saw wonderful miracles happen.

And then there have been times when I get sick of waiting, like a beggar waiting for crumbs that never come.

Then I am furious and say "the hell with this!" Why am I trying to be a nice little girl, tap dancing away, hoping I'll finally be good enough for someone to give their approval, when everyone else does whatever they want to do and seemingly get everything they want?

Then I thrash and rage until everything falls apart.

And I have to pick myself up, battered and bruised, take a deep breath, and attempt the road of peace all over again.

Ever since my mother passed, I have been angry and confused and defiant, intending to do things my way.

But I am not at peace.

When my cousin wrote me those words I was torn, wanting to shake her and tell her "Right when you were getting closer to your dreams, you're going to just let them slip away? Why don't you fight? Enough is enough!"

But I know she is right.

She is not letting her dreams slip away.

She is allowing herself to be guided toward the dreams she was meant for along an even better path than she could have ever imagined.

It doesn't look like it right now.

But I can bet, because of her faithfulness, that it is true.

When it is time for me to move in a new direction, little signs start popping up everywhere in perfect harmony.

Those signs have been coming again.

Those signs to brush off the rage and anger, take a deep breath, and start on that path of peace once again.

Thank you, K, for your faithfulness.

Wishing you Peace.

Carol B.