Thursday, November 6, 2008

No Regrets

One of the key concepts I am learning in honoring myself is No Regrets.
The first thing I thought was, no regrets?  Are you kidding?  My entire life is filled with regrets.
The second thing I thought was, how can I possibly learn to be a better person if I have no regrets?  For a person who lived on guilt, this seemed impossible.  If you didn't regret something, that meant you wouldn't see it as a wrong move and then you couldn't do better next time, which meant you would keep making the same mistakes over and over.
On the other hand, if I lived on regret, how is it that I did keep making the same mistakes over and over?  
I see now that living in regret means that I keep hashing my mistakes over and over, which makes me miserable which makes me condemn myself which makes me think I will never be able to do better which paralyzes me with fear from thinking of a better solution which makes me keep making the same mistake over and over.
I found that if I do something and I am not pleased with the results I simply tell myself No Regrets.  What is done is done.  I tell myself that this event has simply brought me one step further along my path (which is MUCH better than standing still or going backwards).  If I do not drench the situation in condemnation, I will not be paralyzed in my tracks with the fear of regret.  I can then look at it as a problem to solve, a challenge, like figuring out a puzzle.  This will allow me to consider the various resources I have to resolve this challenge or decide on other paths I could take next time that might lead to a more satisfying result.  
And I can move on.
Which makes me feel wonderful.
Which allows me to see myself as a wise woman.
Which allows me to honor myself.
And we continue.
Carol B.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


I was asked a question; 
What will you say yes to in your life?
I was astounded to find out how hard it was to answer that question.
I realized it was easy to think about what I would say no to in my life.
No to what I think.  No to what I believe.  No to my very existence.  
What did that mean?
Just say it out loud.
It means no to honoring myself.
Not honoring myself means not respecting myself.
Not respecting myself means I can never be happy about anything in my life, even when I finally reach what I think will make me happy.
Because not respecting myself means not truly respecting anyone or anything else around me, which means not being able to enjoy anyone else or anything else around me.
I grew up with the distorted belief that you are supposed to put yourself down and lift others up and that would be a good thing.
It is not.
You can pretend it is, but in the long run, it only brings bitterness and resentment.  Because after a while you will grow tired of it and say, "when is it my turn?"
And you wait for others to give you that honor, but even when they do, it will still not be good enough.  
Because what your spirit is really waiting for is for you to love and honor yourself.
When you do that, all the craziness that runs wild in your head will finally quiet down, and then you can look at others and see them for who they truly are, love them for who they truly are.  
I am just learning.
But I have to let this out.
Just for today, I will honor myself.
Just for today, I will honor my beliefs, my words, and my work.
Just for today I will honor my body, even though it is not as perfect as society says it should be.
Just for today, I will honor my eyes that allow me see, my ears that allow me hear, and my breath that allows me to be alive.
I will stop and honor myself in this present moment, exactly where I am today.
Day One,
to saying Yes
to honoring myself.
Carol B.