Thursday, October 27, 2011

A Life Worth Living

I am sorry my last post was so brutal.
As you can see, domestic violence is a subject that really gets to me.
As I mentioned, there have been times, especially when there was a bad story on the news, when I wanted to speak about the subject but did not. And my thought was, what if there was someone reading my blog and they were in an abusive relationship or were about to enter an abusive relationship and they were troubled about it but confused and so they stayed and something bad happened to them that maybe would not have happened if I had only said something?
That thought haunts me.
And when I heard that story, I had to speak.
Maybe it would have been better if I had written it later, when I was more calm, but maybe by then I would have been so calm I would have said nothing, just like all the other times.
There is a saying;
Silence Breeds Domestic Violence.
That is so true.
You have to speak up.
I know how hard it is and I know how confusing it is because of a million different reasons.
I hope there is not anyone out there who is experiencing this, but if there is I am glad I wrote this because I am talking to you.
And to those who are putting up with unacceptable crap from your partner, I am also talking to you.
That is the thing about abuse.
They tell you you deserve it because of whatever and you really start to believe you deserve it because, after all, you did forget to do this or that or blah, blah, blah, a million other reasons.
But no one deserves abuse of any kind.
Definitely not violence of any kind, and no, you NEVER deserve it.
But also being humiliated and constantly criticized and put down.
There are a lot of us who would never consider that abuse
To get a detailed description of what abuse is, find a book, google the info, talk to someone on a hotline, or even write to me.
But if you are in a relationship where you constantly feel put down and not good enough then NO, YOU DO NOT DESERVE THAT. THAT IS ABUSE AND YOU NEED TO GET OUT BECAUSE IT ALWAYS ESCALATES AND GETS WORSE.
And you do not want to die a long, slow death because of it.
Feel uncomfortable in your relationship?
Look it up and see if it is abuse.
You deserve a better life than that.
I know.
It all starts with Loving Yourself.
And despite the misguided information many of us have had growing up,
it is NOT a sin to love yourself and take care of yourself and PUT YOURSELF FIRST so that you are then whole enough to truly love others, and to know whether or not someone truly loves you.
So, Take Care.
I wish you Peace.
'Til later,
Carol B.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011


It is ironic that October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and there have been so many murders against women that have shown up in the news this month.
Even the horrible massacre that happened at a beauty salon in Seal Beach here in Southern California made the national news.
Not that this doesn't happen everyday.
It's just that I heard another one today, about how on Saturday an EX-BOYFRIEND burned his former girlfriend alive in front of her children. She died yesterday.
This subject has been itching at me for years and after hearing this kind of story for the millionth time I just could not be quiet anymore.
Because I am a survivor of domestic violence this is an especially hot button topic for me.
My current husband is wonderful, the first non-abusive man I have ever had in my life.
Because of my former attraction to "Bad Boys" all the former men in my life have ranged from verbal and emotional abuse to physical violence.
I was just one of the lucky ones that got away.
But not without the emotional scars.
There are many facets to this topic, too many to mention now.
I am writing this post to say just one thing.
If you are in a relationship with one of these kind of guys
Don't be fooled.
Bad Boys are exactly what they are; BAD.
And I don't mean bad as in cool, even though that is what you might think at first, whether you learned it from the movies or romance novels or wherever that makes "Bad Boys" seem cool.
The neighbors of that woman who was burned on Saturday tried to stop her from burning and in a news interview a neighbor said that in the parking lot where she had run out of her apartment where she was then lying on the ground, her two children were over her body, crying and trying to talk to her while her body smoldered.
I know it is so horrible to be writing this, but every time I hear a story like this I want to scream out and tell women that if they are in a relationship like this to get out!
And then I calm down and don't say anything after all and I go on with everyday life and then I hear this story again.
I hope that no one reading this is going through this kind of relationship, but if you are
Please hear me now before the news tells another story like this.
Be honestly aware of what the person you are involved with is like.
Love yourself.
Take care of yourself.
If you know someone else that is in a relationship like this you cannot make them leave but be there for them.
Be honest.
Be aware.
Treat yourself with Love.
And Be Safe.
Carol B.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


I wish I would remember to take photos of my painting along the way.
You know, how it started and the process that evolved.
It would have been great with this one.
I was playing around in my sketchbook and things started to get ugly.
I played around some more and they got whatever.
Then I went the other way and went from nonsense symbols to painting a face over it.
I really liked the results.
I liked that fact that there were layers of paint and other objects painted behind this face, integrating with the overall color and background design.
Goes to show that no matter how much you mess up or how you don't like the results you are getting you can always go over it and start again.
Just like in life.
Carol B.

Friday, October 14, 2011

This, Too

Acrylic on paper
Is it necessary?
I hear it will make you a better person.
All I know that is when I am going through it I think it is a bunch of crap.
It has been a month since we buried my mom.
All this time I hadn't been able to grieve or cry.
Everything was buried too deep.
Then Tuesday I was finally able to let a lot out.
I was all alone in my house so I was able to scream and cry and get angry and sink in anguish.
And then I felt better.
Is it really necessary?
Who knows.
If anything I do know that whatever we are going through,
This, too, shall pass.
Peace and Comfort,
Carol B.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Another Crayola Creation


Here is another portrait I did using Crayola Crayons.
Is this a kick or what?
I have bought tons of art supplies, always seeking for something more unusual and exciting.
Then I come back to Crayola Crayons and I am having a ball!
Not that more expensive art supplies aren't wonderful.
I'm just talking about people like me who have put off doing the work until I find the perfect supplies or the perfect paper/canvas, or the perfect time to work.
I am thinking that everyone except me already knows that there is no such thing as "perfect."
It's all about just doing the work, baby!
I hope you are having a great time doing the work that you know is you!
'Til later,
Carol B.