Yikes!

Sorry I have not been posting any art here.  I have been working on the painting that I last posted.  I was almost finished but not satisfied with the face.  I thought of changing it but I thought, "what are you, crazy?  The background is almost finished.  What if you mess the whole thing up?"  That would usually have kept me from making any change, but then I thought, "I might mess it up, but I will never be satisfied if I don't try."  And so I did the most daring thing in playing with the face.  Right now I like it but it doesn't match the style of the background, so I have to see where to go from here.

The problem I have had in my art is that when it looks decent, then, even if I would like to experiment, I am too afraid to "mess it up" so I stop in fear.  I hate that I am afraid because it keeps me from growing.  Lately I have been in the process of "breaking out," trying to push things and get out of my comfort zone which I have rarely allowed myself to do.  And you know what?  It is so cool!  Yes, I might mess up that painting, or something else I try might not look as good as the old tried and true, but to free yourself out of a self imposed prison is wonderful!

But I am afraid I have reached an impasse in which I am really scared.

Why did I post the above photo?  Because of something I have to do this Saturday.

My mom invited me to go to a Mother/Daughter Tea from her church.

No, that's not the problem.  Honest.

The tea is being held in someone's backyard which will be really nice but in order to give it that "Garden Party" type of look, all the women have to wear hats and gloves.

Hats and gloves, people.

I am not a hats and gloves type of person.

I told my mom I don't even have a dress to wear, much less to be seen in a hat and gloves.  My mom said, "but you have to wear a hat a gloves!"

I was not taking the whole thing too seriously but I suddenly started to worry.  I might think I am cool not wearing some silly hat and gloves, but, on the contrary, it will probably be me who looks silly not wearing a hat and gloves if everyone else is wearing a hat and gloves.  Besides, my mom was adamant about me wearing a hat and gloves.

That's ok for her.  She is crazy about wearing hats and gloves.  I remember when I was young and we would all go to church and it was the early 60's (ok, so don't be calculating my age) and the Jackie Kennedy look was in and there was my mom in her Cassini inspired suit, pillbox hat and gloves going to church all spiffy.  That was ok for her because my mom is a teeny weeny woman and on a fat day she weighs 90 pounds (and no, I am not exaggerating; any relative reading this post will confirm this).  She has always liked to dress up in that classy type of look and she grew up in those decades when it was chic for a woman to wear a hat and gloves so it is all perfectly normal for her.  Me, I have never worn a hat and, even though I have seen some very cool hats that I would honestly love to wear, and I admire women who can wear hats, I feel I look silly in them, at least, uncomfortable.  And if I don't have a dress I am going to feel silly wearing a hat and gloves with some dumb pants, especially when they are not made to go with a hat and gloves look.

Anyway, to make a long story short (too late!) my mom found me this long, summery dress that use to belong to her but she says it looks too young for her now and she told me to try it on and, lo and behold, it fits! (it stretches) and it actually looks really good on me and it even has that kind of look where you could picture it at a Garden Party with a hat and gloves.

So at least I have a dress and my mother told me to go to her house early on Saturday and she has all kinds of hats and gloves for me to try on and see what matches.  

At first I thought that would be cool and that I could actually do this, but now I am getting pretty scared.  

What if I freak?

What if I run out and say "NO, I CAN'T DO THIS!" and my mom gets really hurt and starts crying?

I ask you, WHAT KIND OF MOTHER'S DAY WILL THAT BE??

Ok, so I am being dramatic.  

But I am still getting scared.  So if you pray, just say a little prayer for me.

AND NO, I AM NOT GOING TO POST PICTURES.

Unless I end up looking really cute. ;)

Who knows?  Maybe in breaking out of this "no hat and gloves" box I am in, I might find out I really like it!

We'll see.

I'll also try to get my art together and see about putting up some stuff.

'Til later,

Carol B. 

Sharing Encouragement

So I'm not crazy!

In my last post I wrote about how May reminded me of spring flowers and the beauty of springtime.  I had this whole picture going on in my mind and I was wondering why.  Thanks to Del for saving my sanity!  He wrote me a comment on that day's post where he directed me to a story about May Day on Wikipedia.  Suddenly I remembered how I had learned about that in my elementary school days a million years ago and how we actually used to learn about that day and make May Day baskets out of construction paper and the whole bit.  Funny how I had totally forgotten about that and yet it was plastered back there in my memory like you always read about.

Speaking of Del, you have to visit him at his blog which is Sunday Afternoon Noodle  You will really enjoy it.  He is a wonderful person with a very positive sense of life.  He has emailed me with some very encouraging messages which have been such a blessing to me.  He has also posted this great Youtube video called "Winston Churchill backed by band from the future."  It is a video of Winston Churchill speaking to a group and the person who did this video put music and some other stuff to make it sound like Churchill is singing a sort of rap song.  It is hilarious and amazing how it is done.  Check it out. 

As for all of you who have sent encouraging comments, I thank you very much.  I love encouragement.  There is something magical about it, whether you are receiving it or sharing it. It carries a very real healing that reaches across into someone's spirit, whether it is spoken in person or is carried through these airwaves of the web.  

Isn't it amazing when you think about it?  You can actually feel this physical healing balm, even if it is coming from people across the country or even other parts of the world.  I am beginning to see the truth when people talk about how changing our spirit can actually take a part in changing the world, and how if all of us join together reaching out in a more loving spirit, how all of us can have a part in changing this world for the better.   

Now, don't get me wrong.  As beautiful as these words sound coming from me, tell me to remember them when I am driving on the freeway.  

But I have tried doing that and, believe it or not, it does help to change things.  If anything, it helps to change me, which, I have to admit, is where it must all start.

Wishing you blessed thoughts for a great day.

Love,

Carol B.

New Possibilities

Today is the first day of May.

May is my favorite month.

Why?

I love the sound of the word.  And the way the letters look together.  

And when I think of May, I think of spring flowers (my favorites) and sunshine and green grass, blue skies and a gentle breeze.

Ok.  So I know it sounds like a corny commercial.  And in L.A. we don't get that many blue skies.  But it's still the picture I get when I think of May.

I think it is also because, deep down inside, I think of new beginnings, which bring new possibilities.  On a day like today, you can start life anew.

I have been visiting people's blogs and seeing the new things people have done.  I have been talking with people, via blog comments and emails.  Everywhere I see and hear the hope in people's lives, the desire to get the best out of life.

Are you an artist?

If you are like me, you struggle with the doubts.  I keep thinking I am the only one, because I keep thinking everyone else's remarkable talent helps them to breeze through it all, but from what I hear, I am not the only one.

Why do we do that?

Maybe it is because people who are artists are sharing the deepest part of their life and putting it out there for all to see.  Whatever your art, whether you paint or collage or sing or play an instrument or take photographs, that can be a scary thing to do.

I know that doing any kind of work has its insecurities, but I believe artists also have the doubts that come with the belief that what we do doesn't really matter, doesn't really count. "Why are you wasting your time with that?  Shouldn't you be doing something important?  That's not something you put your whole life into.  That's just something you do as a hobby."

Maybe you've never thought that way.  If you never have, consider yourself blessed.

As for any of us who have struggled with that, why do we have to continue?  Who says?  Who are they to say that?  Who is the world to say that what we do doesn't count?  Why can't we start a whole revolution that turns the world around so that artists are the rock stars of the world who makes tons of money and are held in awe for their remarkable talent, talent that everyone else wishes they had?

Yes, I know it's a wild thought.  

But it's not impossible.  

And you know what?  I think it starts with all of us planting a seed to make it that way.

How?

By considering our art time one of the most important and necessary parts of our day.  By not being embarrassed to show someone our work.  Hey, by making sure we never belittle our work.  By being proud to tell others that we are an artist, instead of shirking away thinking we won't say that until we reach some imposed level of "good enough."  And by thinking of our choice in life as being as important as someone who would say that they are a doctor, or an attorney or CEO of some grand company.

No, I haven't been outside sniffing the L.A. smog.

I am just tired of having spent my whole life living by other people's opinions, views, and dogma, as Steve Jobs said in his words I shared in my previous post.  I want to live my life, not someone else's.  I want to believe in my hopes and dreams, and believe they really can come true.

At least to know that I tried.

And so, on this first day of May, the first day of new possibilities, if you are an artist, I bless you with a new beginning, a belief in your hopes and dreams.  I bless you with permission to believe in you.  I bless all of us to believe that, as artists, as creators, we are linked with thee Creator of all creators.

So let's go out there, plant our seeds of Hope and Belief, and make it come true.   

Here's to you and your new life.

Always,

Carol B.

Truly Words to Live By

I just listened to the commencement speech that Steve Jobs gave to the graduating class of Standford University, 2005.  I tried to post the video here, but it would not post, I presume because of copyright.  So go check it out on Youtube.  Choose the video that is 15 minutes.  You will be glad you did.  

I wish I could have heard this when I was much younger, but then maybe I would not have gotten it.  Now I do, so now I am going to run with it. 

As Steve Jobs is one of the most brilliant innovators of our time, (you know, Apple and Pixar) you can trust these words coming from him.  As a taste of the video, I will give you one of my favorite parts of his speech:

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.  Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking.  Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice.  And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.  They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."  

Carol B.

Happy Anniversary to Me!

Happy Anniversary to me and my Hubby!

Saturday, April 25 marked seven wonderful years that we have been married.  

And here is our picture:

Ok, so that is not us, exactly.  In a perfect world that would be us but I honestly don't have a picture of us together, so I figured this was close enough.  HA HA!  At least I look a lot more like Selma Hayek than he looks like Antonio Banderas (hee hee!)

Anyway, we met ten years ago and seven years ago we got married.  This is the second marriage for both of us and it better be our last because I'm not doing this again!

Actually, I so wish we had met when we were young because, as cliche as it sounds, I totally believe we were made for each other.  It would be nice to know that we had gotten to this age and we were still together.  But, as I told my husband, I'm just glad that we finally met and that we have the years that we do have.  

For anyone out there who is older (not that I'm that old.  I mean, I do have a daughter who is 28, but I had her when I was only two years old).

Where was I?

Oh, yeah, for anyone out there who is older and you do not have that special someone and you think you are too old to find that someone, I am telling you that I found my most special someone a lot older.  Ok, so I wasn't going to say, but I was in my forties.  Anyway, if I can find my perfect, special match at that age, then anyone can find that special person at any age.  Not that you have to be matched up with someone to have a great life, but just in case you're looking.

So Happy Anniversary to me and my hubby.  I love you, Sweetie!

And I wish us many more, forever and ever.

Por Vida,

Love,

Carol B.

Art Heals

My son's girlfriend has been trying to teach me to scan but I still have a lot to learn.  It's not that she is not a good teacher, it is just that when you are trying to teach me something technical my response is "huh?"  I am even there with my handy dandy notebook, writing everything down, but it is still tough.  

I mean, I finally learned how to do the basics.  I put this picture in the scanner and it scanned, although obviously not that well because I was trying to fit in the page from a book.  I am also not good at trying to fix the color and stuff.  I did not even try to do that here.  Later on I will try to play with it.

This is a page out of my art journal.  The colors look much more dynamic and beautiful in person, but there you go.

The point was playing with everything, from text to photocopies, paint, pastels, etc.  The photo is of an old movie star but I don't remember her name.  I could get up and look it up, but I won't.

But as it says, "Art Heals.  It is Dynamic.  It is Electric."

And that is how I feel.  

After days of doing those things you have to do in life, I took time out yesterday and today to do some painting.  Yesterday I worked on the painting I originally showed you I think last week.  Today I have been working in my art journal which is great because you don't have to try to be perfect or anything.  You can just let go.  And if you don't like what you did, you can just paint over it.  Other than that, nobody has to see it but you.  I am finding it a must in just letting go and freeing your art spirit.

And now I am happy.

Still, the business of life awaits me, but I can go back and try again.  

Art Heals.

Don't forget it.

Art Heals.

Wishing you a great weekend,

Carol B.

Crayola Love!

Lookie, lookie what my hubby bought me!

It's the Crayola Ultimate Art Supplies box!

It's funny how you can have a ton of serious art supplies just waiting to be used and yet Crayola art supplies can still give you goose bumps.  At least, that's the way it is with me.  Whenever we go to stores that have a Crayola display with all the new creations, as well as the old tried and true, I can spend forever checking them all out, wanting each one.  I guess it's that artist in me who still remembers her first box of 64 Crayola Crayons, you know, the one with the built in sharpener.

And this is the way it looks when you open it up: 
Isn't that the coolest?

My husband loves photography and during the weekends he usually has his camera and we drive around here and there and when he sees something he likes, he takes his pictures.  He's really good, too.  Everyone tells him he needs to enter them in a show or have his own booth in an art fair.

Anyway, when he is taking photos, I keep wishing I had some cute little art supply carrier so I could draw/paint/color while he takes his photos.  So we were at Wall-Mart and he saw this and I was looking at something else and I did not even notice when he put it in the basket until we were checking out and I was wondering why he bought that and then he said, "why, it's for you, of course!"

What a sweetie!

When I was thinking of writing this post and showing this I realized that it has been a while since I have done any artwork.  I have been spending this week taking care of some regular chores that I had to do and I noticed yesterday that, even though I was having a good day, I was in a really grouchy, snippy mood.  I was feeling even more angry and depressed this morning and I finally asked myself, "what is wrong with you?"  And my spirit said, "I NEED TO PAINT!!" And I realized it was true so, even though I have other stuff to do, I am going to stop and paint right after I leave here.

If you are having a hard day and you are thinking you feel more down than usual, ask yourself if you are neglecting you.  Chances are you are running around doing what you have to do but you are neglecting your inner spirit that is starving for attention.  I know when I am starving I get really grumpy, and so does your spirit.

So if you have been too busy lately, give yourself a break and put a little color in your life.

Oh, and FYI; my husband bought the Crayola art kit at Wal-Mart for $10.99.  Later that day we went to Michael's to check things out there and they had the same Crayola art kit for $19.99! That is almost twice the price! 

I love Michael's and I don't mean take away from it, but hey, half the price at Wal-Mart?  I mean, saving money is saving money, so I just thought I'd tell you.

Unless you are Donald Trump wanting to play with Crayons, and then you can buy it wherever you want.

'Til later, 

Carol B.