Friday, August 24, 2012

My Husband and Ice Cream

I am confused.
Not surprising.
I have not been blogging for such a long time and I so miss it.
The reason is because I have been flailing in my art and I don't know which way to go as well as those other demons such as "am I good enough?" (brother, when will that ever go away?) and "what if I post this work and everyone thinks "why did she ever think that was good?"
But I love writing here and when I am not writing here I end up writing my cousin on the other side of the country these long ass emails which I know are because I have all these pent up thoughts that I have not gotten out with being here writing.
And then the longer I stay away from here, the more I really start to question the artwork I have been doing because yes, I still work at it though not as much as I should, but whatever little bit I do I know that if I post it here I will start to get in a roll again to really working and posting but as long as I shy away from here the more unconfident I get and the more I question as to whether I will ever get here again.
So what I have decided to do, as least for now, is to write here anyway, even if I don't have artwork to show, just so that I will get in the hang of being here again.
Since I love to write I was even considering just getting another blog site to write in but I thought I would start off here and see what happens.
So I know this is already long but I will continue with what I wanted to say today anyway.
Mid last week my husband started working nights and I wish I was posting here when that started because I really could have gotten a lot of thoughts out but oh well.
The point is that my husband and I are so used to spending all our time together.  Except when we are working, we do everything together.  We really are best friends, so suddenly me working days and him working nights has more than thrown us for a loop.
But today I was not working and he does not leave for work until 2 and so we both got up early and were just hanging out.  We even ordered food from one of our favorite places, "Lupe's" (a picture here would go great) (gotta start taking more pictures) and watched some recorded episodes of our new favorite program, "Big Bang Theory."
Despite the fact that he still had to leave I thought it was ok because we got to spend quite a bit of time together, only in reverse, in the morning instead of the evening.
So after he left I started doing some work and everything was ok for a while, and then the carton of Dreyer's ice cream in the freezer started calling me and pretty soon as I stood over the kitchen sink watching a stupid episode of Inside Edition on the little TV that sits on the shelf over the sink I thought "oh no, you're not really going to finish this entire carton of ice cream?" and yes, I knew I was and when I asked myself "why?" all I could think of was the fact that my husband was not with me and he was not going to be with me evenings anymore so why not just keep eating and eating?
Oh God.
And so I decided to go back to doing some work but after a while all I could think of was that I still missed my husband so I decided to write about it and here I am.
And no, I did not find my husband at the bottom of that ice cream carton.
Oh well.
Carol B.

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