Thursday, June 24, 2010

Trusting The Process

Here is a picture of the messy table in my art studio, but that's ok because it means I've been working!
My daughter gave me a journal with a blank cover and asked if I'd put a design on it. If I had thought of it, I would have taken a "before" photo but I forgot. I'd like to show you the "after" photo but I can't because my daughter hasn't seen it yet.
But what impressed me today was The Process. You know, that scary "Process" where you are working on something and you think it could be good but you're not sure and you're doing this as a particular assignment for someone so it has to be good but that just makes "The Process" all the more scarier.
I was sure I had a good idea for a design and I even practiced the design on another background and I got more excited and more sure that it was going to be good.
the more I worked the design on the actual journal the more scared I got. After all, I couldn't make a mistake on this, and what if the idea I had didn't work after all? Or it didn't look as good as I thought? Or I made this HORRIBLE, UNFIXABLE mistake?
So this is where I started finally practicing this thing that I have been thinking about lately and that is
As much as I have wanted to do this, as much as I have read about it, as many self-help books as I have, actually DOING it is very foreign to me. But I have realized that some things are not going to magically fall upon you, like fairy dust. There are some things you have to grab a hold of and not let go until you see things through.
So that's what I did.
And you know what?
It worked!
Usually when those Evil Voices of Fear start whispering in my ear ("You're not good enough. Who do you think you are? You might as well forget it"), I shudder and quake in my shoes and then I quit.
But then I thought, what power do those voices actually have, other than the power I give them? They're not like a character in The Godfather with a gun to your head, insinuating you have to do what they say because they're making an offer you can't refuse.
There's nobody there.
They can't really touch you.
All their power is FAKE. It's only what you give them.
And then I thought, yeah, but what do I do about those voices? If I try to fight them, I'll just get worn down and end up giving up. If I cry or plead, they'll just see my weakness and pounce all the more.
And then I remembered.
Hey, Carol, you're a Mom. My kids are adults now, but I remember when my son was young and he used to do what that little character does on "Family Guy." I used to be washing dishes with this little TV on a shelf in front of me that I had on to distract me from the pain of washing the dishes so my mind was already concentrating on several things at once and my son would come up to my side and say "Mom. Mama. Mommy. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mama...."
You get the picture.
And because he did this a million times a day I learned to tune him out.
Not all the time, so don't look at me that way.
Just sometimes.
So I decided to do that with The Evil Voices, saying "Ok, yeah, whatever, later," as I kept working.
And they went away.
And I finished the journal, much more quickly than I thought, and yes, I think it's beautiful!
But what I'm even more excited about is what happens when you tune out the chatter and learn to Trust.
Trust yourself.
Believe in your work.
Trust the Process.
Wishing you Blessings,
Carol B.

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