Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Missing You

"Missing You"
Acrylic on paper

I can't believe it's been so long since I posted. I was finally doing pretty good and now it has been forever.
Not that I wasn't painting. In fact, I was so busy on a particular painting that I was consumed and so did not post.
The above painting is not the one I had been working on. This is another painting.
When I was looking for a painting to post, I found this one in my computer's photo library. The funny thing is that I had forgotten I had painted this and found that I really liked it, and yet it actually no longer exists because I painted over it. I did not care for it at the time, and now I am bummed that I painted over it.
But that's ok.
We start again.
But anyway, all these days that I was not posting I was working on this particular painting and was so consumed that I did not take photos because I kept changing it and changing it and was never satisfied so kept changing it again. It's a good thing I didn't bother to take photos because I changed it so many times all the photos would take forever to post. It was starting to turn into a design I liked and then it nose dived again.
So I have put it aside for now.
That's ok. I'll try it again some other time.
Meanwhile, I have really missed being here.
I often tell myself, "what do you have to post today? Maybe the work I have or my words are not enough so you shouldn't bother."
But I get very anxious and I realize, dammit, I just want to be here, and that's good enough.
I am trying to remember that word.
I thought I was such a committed person in every area of my life and I have been shocked at the revelations that have been revealing themselves to me.
I like the thought of writing about that here. It could make me more accountable on my walk along that road.
See what happens when you just show up?
Gifts are waiting for you.
Carol B.

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