Friday, May 21, 2010

May 21, 1977

I can write this because my husband never reads this blog, which is good, because I would like to write this, not only for myself, but for my kids.
Today, thirty three years ago, I got married.
Mind you, this was to my ex-husband.
But this is not about him. It is about a young, twenty one year old woman (was I ever twenty one??), having planned her wedding, and getting ready to embark on that journey that a young woman dreams about.
By this time, at 7:00 am, I was somewhere in the process of getting ready.
The time I do remember is about 9:30 am when I looked at the clock as I sat down to eat breakfast.
I remember sitting in front of the mirror above my dresser, as I looked at the finishing touches on my makeup.
I remember when my mom told my dad to come look at me, all dressed up in my wedding gown and veil. He came out of his bedroom and looked at me standing at my bedroom door.
"Oh, mija, you look so nice," he said, and hugged me.
And then he broke down in tears and ran back into his room.
I remember sitting in the car, riding to the church.
I remember standing on the brick steps in front of the church, while my cousin, my maiden of honor, straightened my veil.
I remember standing in the church foyer, in front of the doors to the sanctuary, the music playing, announcing that I was about to walk in.
And from that time on, I began a new life.
Time goes on and some things are good and some not so good.
There can be lots of anger, bitterness, and regret.
But despite it all, there are these pivotal moments in a young person's life when you begin a new journey, full of hopes and dreams.
Those dreams might be shattered, and you can go down an ugly road.
But even that time passes, and another pivotal moment comes when you choose to lay aside the past and begin life anew, remembering where you came from, remembering good intentions, choosing the best, and moving on.
And so, for my children, as well as myself, I choose to lay aside the past, so that I can fully enjoy that which was, and has always been, the best,
and that is you two, my beautiful children,
the Joy of my heart,
who I will love for always.