Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Guilt By Any Other Name

So here it is.
My version of a Bag of M&Ms.
None of them little wussy bags for me.
Of course, I'm going to kill my husband for giving it to me.
You see, about a week ago I bought one of those semi big bags, I think they're a pound. I was going through one of my fazes of getting a bag. Then I lay off them.
Anyway, I had opened it and I had it in my dresser drawer and on Sunday evening my husband and I were watching a movie and I felt like having some so I went to my drawer and I sneaked a few, even though I was eating them in front of him.
He didn't say anything so I felt a little bad, but mostly I was thinking maybe he didn't want any since he hardly eats chocolate, so I thought it would be safe to just take out the whole bag and eat more instead of sneaking them little by little.
As soon as I took out the bag he leaned over and said, "ooooh! Gimmeee!"
I said, "NO!" but then I felt bad and sighed.
"Alright," I said, making a face so he would feel bad, but he didn't.
And then we ended up eating the whole bag.
Now, mind you, after I got them at the market I put them away and I really didn't feel like eating them, which is what often happens once I actually get what it is I am not supposed to be eating. So they had been sitting in my drawer and I really didn't want them anymore, but then I felt guilty that I had bought them so I ate them anyway.
Now, of course, once Monday morning hit, just because I no longer had any, suddenly I was craving them like crazy and was mad because my husband helped me finish them.
Yes, I blame him.
So I was craving them all day Monday and then I was craving them all day yesterday and it was driving me crazy.
When my husband came home we had to go to Walmart for something so I said he had to replace my bag of M&Ms. He was getting this big bag and I said, "No, don't do that. I don't want to eat that much." And he said that he planned to eat some, too, and I said, "Well, you better, because if you don't, I'm really going to be mad if I eat that whole big bag by myself."
So I thought when we got home after dinner he would open the bag and eat some but he didn't and so now this big bag is just sitting in front of me, tempting me, making me feel guilty that we even bought them.
*Note the consistent theme running here: Guilt. And yes, that seems to be a consistent theme in my life, no matter what the subject.
In the photo I posted, it is sitting on top of my kitchen table, but that's not where it's really at. I just put it there for a nice picture. It's really in my room, where anyone that knows me could tell you.
And here's the last guilt story.
When my kids were little I used to buy me the one pound bag of M&Ms and I would hide them in my dresser drawer because if I had them out, of course the kids would want to eat them, so I would hide them.
Then when I wanted some I would sneak away, lock my bedroom door, quietly open my dresser drawer, and then, as quietly as possible, try to open the bag of M&Ms without rustling the bag too loudly. Of course, it still makes noise and so then I would suddenly hear a knocking at my door.
"Mom, are you in there?"
"What are you doing?"
"Are you eating M&Ms?"
"Yes you are. I can hear you."
"Can I have some?"
At the time, I didn't feel like I was being a rotten mom, but when you say the story out loud it does sound pretty rotten.
But you know what?
Do I feel guilty that I didn't share my M&Ms with my poor little kids?
Hey, you gotta give up the guilt sometime.
'Til later,
Carol B.


.::dionna::. said...

awww... childhood memories... standing at Mama's door whishing she would share her candy!


Carol B. said...

But I share now! :D