Monday, July 28, 2008

Hopes, Dreams, and Fears

I can't believe it's been almost a week since I have posted!
I told myself I wasn't going to do that.  
There are several blogs that I look at everyday and when an artist takes a long time before they come back to post it drives me crazy.  I think, Where are you?  I really love to look at new paintings and what they have to write, so I really miss them when they are gone for a while.  So I told myself I wasn't going to do that, and yet, here I am, doing just that.
But I have been going through a weird phase.
I had been looking for a print shop to make prints of my work so that I can finally open an Etsy shop and start selling.  I am thinking about investing in a nice printer so that I can do the job myself, but it is so expensive that I got a little scared and I thought, well, let's see if, in the meantime, I can find a print shop and they can at least get the ball rolling for me.  Miracles of miracles, last week I actually found one, and close by.  
At first I didn't think they wanted to do it.  They mostly do printing for businesses.  But they said they would try it and I could check it out and they would see if they could adjust the colors and stuff to my liking.
At first I didn't think it was going to work out, but after two or three days, they did a perfect job.  I was thrilled!  I thought, oh, boy, now I can open an Etsy shop and really start my dream come true of starting to sell and make my living as an artist.  I even got a couple of offers to buy some of my paintings.
And then I stopped.
I thought, do I really want to do this?
Can I really do this?
Who am I kidding?
I have given up so much just to give myself this chance, and yet, right when things are starting to come alive, I want to abandon my dream.
I freaked out.
I was thinking, maybe I should just stop and do something else.
But I have done this before.
Right when I am finally doing something I have always wanted to do and success is around the corner, I quit.
Talk about self-sabotage.
What a horrible thing.
Has anyone else had this problem?
How did you solve it?
Why do we do this?
But, thank goodness for other artists who have shared their stories of falling down and getting back up again.  Three steps forward, and two steps back, then getting up and three steps forward again.
It is early in the morning but I decided to open up my laptop and get back here again.
Here is a painting I did about wishing on a star and the hopes and dreams of the heart.
Shaking off the fear, getting up, and stepping forward towards that life you have waited so long for.
That we deserve.
So let's get up and go!

6 comments:

LuLu said...

Bonjour Carol! It is a normal process to be down once in a while, part of being human... and an artist! I have closed my Etsy shop because I was having a hard time getting my messages through them, something about my email being similar to someone else's, etc, etc... I will be opening a new store on September 1st, maybe before, we will see... Heads up! After rain comes sushine! LuLu

Suzan Buckner said...

OMG Carol!! I have such anxiety attacks about my work! I hate putting it out there--but I do it. It is scary, but it gets way easier!! I have grown so much in the last few months as an artist--by seeing what people like and don't like about my work.

Put it out there girl!! You'll do well!!

Hugs!!
suzan buckner

Amy Sullivan said...

I have just found your blog. And when I read this post, I was like , "yes" I am also frightened. Being an artist is all I know.
Finding ways to promote your art. I have just started selling on ebay.
I am in a state of "freaked out" right now.
But, go by my blog & in the left side bar, you will see a medallion that says "one thing, just be brave", click on it. I have found that reading this , helps.
Anyway, I enjoy your art very much, Be Brave!
Amy

RainbowMom said...

Carol, just go for it! I did.. I don't think my photographs or jewelry are anymore outstanding then the next persons.. but I love it. As a step into claiming back my own sense of personal power I dove in and opened an Etsy shop. It is what it is. I LOVE that painting by the way. I would love to be able to do art such as that. Lovely. Peace.

julie king said...

as creative souls, we all have those exact same self doubts. but you CAN do it. dream it, wish it, make it happen!! i have been very slow to post lately too. i think it's a summer thing myself.

Brenda said...

i so get this post--
i get all excited--go and get accepted into galleries
and then never show my face there again..,,,
as you ask in your post--WHY?
hugs,
brenda bliss