At least, I was on the surface.
Underneath it all, things are going on inside.
I was going to say that boy, it's been a long time since I have posted but I started this novel I had been wanting to get to and the weekend came and then my daughter came to visit and I had to go to the printer and I got my hair done and maybe I needed to take a little break from everything..
On and on.
I now see what was happening.
It is that thing where every time I am going to make a big leap forward, I stall.
The great thing is, I can see that I am making progress.
The last time this happened I started to doubt myself and this whole process of living this art life that I have wanted to live me my whole life. Thanks to so many wonderful, thoughtful artists, I am beginning to believe in myself more. This time I stalled by just taking a break, but with every intention of coming back.
So here I am and it is great to be back. I have a lot of catching up to do with networking and I haven't even been painting! (although I have been making sketches, so that's good).
I've been thinking about it this morning and I now know what all this is. It is the process of growing up, learning something new, and this new thing for me that I am in the process of learning is how to believe in myself.
I am telling you, it is about time! I am not even going to get into how late in life I am learning this, but trust me, it is, although, as I have learned, better late than never, which is how I have been doing my life. Late, but better than never.
Learning to believe in yourself is something that would have been great if I had learned it so much earlier. As a kid would be great, in my teens, or even in my twenties. That way it all wouldn't seem so confusing. Although maybe it would anyway.
All I know is that I feel like a little baby who is learning how to walk. You drag yourself up and you toddle and stumble and fall and then you have to get up again. But at least a baby does it more confidently. I guess because they are doing this new thing without as much knowledge as to what is going to happen when they fall. So they can just get up and keep plowing right through. The problem with doing something like that the older you get is that now you can think of what is going to happen or what might happen if you fall, which makes you more hesitant to try. That is the wonderful part of learning something at a more traditional age. Not as much fear so not as much hesitation.
Yes, it would have been nicer to have learned this when I was much younger. But the wonderful thing that has happened for me is that, although things can get scary, I have found the most wonderful network of caring people in this group that I call the Online Artists. I have never been more supported in my life. If you are out there and you don't know this group, I am telling you, don't be afraid to put yourself out there. There are so many people out there that will actually help you get up when you fall.
Which makes falling down not as bad.
And getting up even better.
And continuing on a stronger person than ever before the most wonderful God send.
Many thanks, and God Bless you all.